Does she love me?
by Mitchy Spex
Summary: He loved his girlfriend... He just wasn't sure if she loved him back. Did she love his fame? His money? His music? Did she just want to be a Rockstars girlfriend or HIS girlfriend? Darien's POV


Title: Does she love me?  
Author: Angelica Antiporda

Re-post August 24, 2005-  
Author's note: I found a REALLY awesome beta! Yes she's so awesome she volunteered to edit and read over my stories hugs beta Much thanks to Ronnie for editing and reading my stuff. You are a sweetheart! Seriously, you are greatly appreciated.

August 10, 2005-  
Hello there grrrls and guys of story was officially posted November 27, 2004. But then fanfictionDOTnetdecided to be really stupid and they deleted it because I used lyrics from a song. FYI it was a songfic and I used a disclaimer. How stupid is that? It's not like I was trying to steal it... Anyway the song I had before was "Do you love me" by kiss (covered by Nirvana) Just pretend it's thereor you could mosey over to SmFanFictionDOTnet and read it there. I think the songfic version is wicked cool.

On other note: The 2004 Annual Sailor Moon Fanfiction Awards Voting has started. Be rad and head over to awardsDOTsmfanfictionDOTnet/voteDOThtml and VOTE!  
(btw. The link and stuff can also be found on my user info... to make it easier for you guys)

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Disclaimer: I don't own sailormoon Sheesh!

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I don't know why I care so much about her. If you are wondering who I'm talking about, I'm referring to my girlfriend Serena Richards. She is probably the most envied and could possibly be the most hated or loved woman in the rock n roll business. I know I don't have to worry about her leaving me because she said so herself... She wouldn't. Why would I believe her? Simple really... It's because I love her. 

I love her more than anything on this planet, more than my career, and even more than the music I play. Being the richest and most famous rock star in the entire world means nothing unless I am sure she loves me. The problem is that I'm not really sure whether she loves me for me and not because of who I am. It's pathetic that I'm thinking about this right?

One night I was looking at her while we were riding in a limo to the Grammy's. She looked so happy and so pleased with being able to go the Grammy's. I didn't want to attend but she did... She enjoyed these kinds of events. Not wanting to disappoint her I agreed to go. It was probably the first time I really wondered if she really truly loved me.

"Oh Darien! I just love this!" She squealed with delight as we stepped out of the vehicle and onto the red carpet. God! I just hated the lights and noise. I hated reporters hounding me about my personal life. But there was Serena already posing and answering the questions from a reporter for a very famous magazine.

The reporter asked Serena about my relationship with her and she smiled and answered, "Everything is so great! I just love him so much it's agony every time we have to be apart or when people are talking badly about him..."

How come she never said she loved me to me? How come it took a reporter for her to admit it? Unless she was only doing it for the publicity. I was so frustrated that night that even when my band won best album of the year and best band of the year I was still distracted and wondering.

She gave me kisses whenever my name was called. I wondered whether it was because she was simply proud of me or if it was because it was expected of her to do so. I pretended that everything was all-okay for the rest of the night. We even attended an after party and did interviews.

Later on that night as she lay in my arms, I wondered about what she said to that reporter. I thought about asking her right then and there but she had already fallen asleep. I decided to let it go for now. It took me a lot of will to fall asleep. Even winning the most Grammy's couldn't ease my mind.

When I woke up the next morning I found a note from her saying that she had gotten a call to do an interview. I was used to this kind of thing from her. But I was momentarily upset because it seemed like my success wasn't so important to her. Maybe I was just being selfish, but I wished she would act like she cared.

She only called me the rest of that week to tell me to get a copy of the magazine where her interview was featured. There were no mentions of love or any kind of emotion she might have for me. I wanted to scream and tell her how much she was hurting me and how much I love her. But I still held my tongue and I hung up. My mind was screaming to ask her! Do you love me?

I even did what she said to do... I went out and got the magazine and there she was on the cover of Rolling Stone. Surprise, surprise... The whole article was about my success and how she was so proud of me and how much she loved me. How come she could tell the whole world how she feels, but not me?

But then of course I reminded myself that she was just saying things she should say.

She often told me that she loved money a lot... And that it was perfect that I was the richest musician in the world. She said it was a huge plus for her. I didn't really mind it much before because I wasn't planning on falling in love with her. I was used to girls like her and I had no problem providing them with an expensive lifestyle while we were together.

But with Serena I wanted so much more from her. For the past few months our relationship has changed, in my view anyway, and I don't want it to ever end.

"We should fly up to New York and stay in that hotel where we stayed last time. I heard a new boutique opened and I think you'd like to shop there," I suggested when we were having dinner together. There was a pause and I saw Serena's eyes light up.

"Oh! That would be wonderful! But of course you'll have to help me pick things out... You have better taste then I do!" she replied happily. There was no 'I can't wait to spend more time with you'.

We flew up using my private jet because Serena claimed she didn't like crowds and reporters bothering us. Of course it was a total contradiction to how she was acting during the Grammy's. She loved the cameras... The woman just confused me all the time. There was no telling what she really thought.

I picked out all the best and most expensive outfits for her and she looked pleased. She just told me that she loved them and that she was hungry and wanted to eat.

We went back to the hotel and ate in the restaurant there. Of course, Serena being Serena had to stop and say hello to everyone she knew. Dinner was actually pleasant. We talked about things we did over the week and stuff like that. We even talked about music, which was fun because Serena knows everything about rock n roll history. She is actually very intelligent and I like that in her... She is so interesting to talk to.

She just seemed so perfect at one point that I couldn't help but fall in love. The best thing about this relationship is that she is always supportive of my music. When it came to concerts, tours, and shows she was always there. She would tell me if she thought one song was good or if it wasn't. You see I really trust her opinion because she is basically a walking study of rock history. She wouldn't just tell me "oh it's good" she would give me reasons why it was or wasn't.

She is also very good with guitars and I respect that. She would write really awesome riffs for the band to use and we even used them for intros of award winning songs. She didn't want credit when I offered to mention it in my CDs, interviews and such. She called them gifts to me.

She would spend hours in the studios with me and the rest of the band. Even if she was really tired she would do everything just to help out. She would go out and get food, run errands and other things that we were too busy to worry about. She would take calls and called who needed to be called. She was almost like a super secretary... Not only that she would fill in whenever a guitarist was needed.

Another thing I love about her is that she loves concerts! Especially my band's! The fact is that I met her at a concert! Well, the first time I actually saw her and noticed her was at the Warped tour (an: notice... real tour) and she was in this awesome mosh-pit that started and I helped her get up. The thing that surprised me was that she didn't really need my help.

"Thanks for the help... but you didn't need to," she said in a hoarse voice. I studied her for a few seconds, taking in her baby blue eyes, mussed long blonde hair, perfect lips.

"Well it sort of looked like you needed help, so I did," I replied mockingly.

"Well I didn't! Just because I'm a female in a hard rock concert doesn't mean I need any more help than the other people here..." she said defensively.

"Sorry, I'll try to remember that next time and I promise not to help when you are in need," She looked too fragile but yet she was strong. Hell she even went crowd surfing up to the stage and when she got onstage she even had the guts to stage dive!

Mind you, I found that really interesting. I mean you don't find chicks like her everyday. I left that night thinking I was never going to see her again.

But as you know... I did! This time it was in my own concert. I met her backstage where she was watching our show. She apparently won some radio contest by writing the best guitar riff. Once I got to know her better I knew just why she had won. She was amazing when it came to guitar, she knew how to play almost any song you would suggest. She could play by ear, tabs, or music sheet. It was surprising that she wasn't in a band herself. But I soon found out that it wasn't her thing. She'd rather just hang out and have fun.

When we started dating I would give her back stage passes to all my shows and soon we included all her other friends too. People consider her the queen of rock... I don't know why. But everyone just does. Although she wasn't in a band, she was just the ultimate poster rock queen. She could waltz into any concert backstage and not be questioned, she would come in with her group smoking her cigarettes and demanding all the things she wanted while she watched the show.

She is so fun to party with, although I know personally that she isn't loose at all, although she would seem like it when she parties. Let me tell you, she parties hard and wild! Nothing was too bad for her and nothing can stop her when she wants to have fun. She has fun spending all the money she can whether it's for me, her, or other people. She loves helping others in her own little way. She would help needy teenagers whose parents kicked them out or abused them. I saw her soft side and I don't even mind her using my money to help others. In fact I encourage it and she is handling the fund I set up for the needy.

See now, this is why I can't decide about her. Everything she does confuses me more and more. One moment she is cold, she's aggressive, she's all for the cameras, the next moment, she's doing things for other people, she's sweet. I want to know whether she truly loves me... I want to know if she loves me like I love her!

Of course the only way to find out is to ask her myself! Now here I am waiting for her to come home from wherever she went off to. Today was going to be the day that I would finally set the record straight. I will ask her and I will know just by looking into her eyes. Serena's eyes are very expressive and they usually give her away if she is lying. I've known her for so long that I know almost everything there is to know about her.

I decide to watch a little TV while waiting and turn to cartoons. Yes! Cartoons! After a few episodes of Rugrats I finally hear the front door open. Yes! She's here!

I stand up and go to greet her. I stop halfway when I see the look on her face. There is something different about her, something I can't put my finger on.

"Darien, I have something very important to discuss with you," she said as she shakily went over towards the coach.

I wonder what is wrong with her and I hope she is all right. I take a seat on the seat beside the sofa.

"Serena, are you ill? What happened?" I ask her worriedly. I never want to see her like this. It hurts me to see her so... sad and lost, it makes me bleed so much inside.

"I don't know where to start," she said in a low whisper.

"Why don't you start at the beginning and tell me everything," I suggest as I put a hand on her shoulders to soothe her.

"Okay, I was sitting on one of those park benches when a teenager saw me and recognized me. She was a sweet little girl and her name was Hotaru, she came up to me and told me that she saw me all the time on TV and in the magazines," she explained.

"We started talking a lot and she turned out to be a fan of your band and I was very pleased. I told her I'd send her an autograph from you and the guys and give her backstage passes and concert tickets. She told me how lucky I was that you loved me..." At that she starts to tear up and cry softly.

I pray to the heavens that she isn't going to break up with me and tell me that she couldn't give me what I wanted. But I just know I should let her finish.

"I asked her how she knew you loved me... and she said it was simple," she started to wipe her eyes with her hands. "She said to read your lyrics from your latest albums, your thank you, and just by the way you look at me... That's when I realized I how stupid I was."

"Serena, you're not stupid!" I said, taking her into my arms and settling her down on my lap as she cried on my shoulder.

"But I am! A 15 yr old figured it out! It was something I have been wondering a long time and I feel so stupid not knowing any better. Unless of course..." She trailed off, horrified that she must have jumped to the wrong conclusions.

"I do love you Serena! I love you like hell!" I said as I kissed her tears away.

"I'm so sorry... I love you too... I just didn't know how to face it and I know I've been pushing you away lately," she said, giving me the most wonderful gift I have ever received... Or maybe not... because what she told me next was another special gift.

"Things have been so confusing for me lately... But thanks to that girl everything fell into place. I know I must have seemed so cold and it must have seemed like I didn't care for you... the thing is I was scared you might start pushing me away if I tried to get too close..." she explained.

"Oh Serena... I was thinking that... All I wanted to know was if you really loved me like you tell other people. I was so frustrated that you never told me how you felt."

"I promise I won't keep anything from you again!" she said with a smile and she leaned closer to me. "So I might as well tell you now!" She continues happily. "You're going to be a daddy!"

With that... I was truly the happiest man on earth!

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End 

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